For anyone thinks E.T. is friendly, think again.
Throughout my 23 years of life, I’ve constantly (and by constantly I mean whenever someone randomly brings up the 80’s hit E.T.) had to explain why I hate/fear/abhor (<—that’s a strong word) that Reese’s-loving-alien.
It all stems from when I was a child. I actually have memories of liking the thing. My dad brought me a poster home one day, of Elliot on the bike with E.T. poking out from that blanket in the basket. I have a vivid memory of a even more vivid dream I had one night; in this dream the poster came alive and instead of Elliot, E.T. was driving the bike. He proceeded to run me over and then put me in the basket and ride away into the night.
The dream doesn’t still scare me (give me some credit…ahem…Rocco) but it caused a severe dislike of E.T., and I felt I saw his true colors.
E.T. definitely wants to kill everyone and take over the planet. He’s creepy, and a bit too friendly for an alien, if you get my drift. Everyone’s always like “OMGwhy?! How could you hate something SO CUTE???” Well. Here’s my top 5 reasons why.
5. His “cute-ness” is too much; so much so that it makes him creepy. The bugged out eyes, the way he waddles? The way that he looks emaciated and his heart beats/sticks out? EW. Ew, ew, ew. That heart does nothing on my emo-soul. And trust me, I’m pretty emo.
4. The noises he makes are insane, and altogether creepy. “Phone Home” doesn’t sound remotely cute. It sounds like alien-speech for “I’m going to kill you.”
3. The way that his neck can extend is DISGUSTING. And definietly phallic (more on that later).
2. He hides around in your stuffed animals, pretending to be a “toy”, and secretly watches you and plots your demise.
1. He just LOOKS disgusting. And, mind my french here, but…he basically looks like a mixture of a turd and a penis. If you took those two and made a baby, it would be E.T. So altogether, gross. You cannot deny the fact that he looks like a little genitalia running around covered in poo.
I was thinking at the end of this post I should post a funny picture of E.T., just so you could have something funny to look at after.
I can’t even bear to google image search him.
WhataMellen's thoughts. 