For anyone thinks E.T. is friendly, think again.
Throughout my 23 years of life, I’ve constantly (and by constantly I mean whenever someone randomly brings up the 80′s hit E.T.) had to explain why I hate/fear/abhor (<—that’s a strong word) that Reese’s-loving-alien.
It all stems from when I was a child. I actually have memories of liking the thing. My dad brought me a poster home one day, of Elliot on the bike with E.T. poking out from that blanket in the basket. I have a vivid memory of a even more vivid dream I had one night; in this dream the poster came alive and instead of Elliot, E.T. was driving the bike. He proceeded to run me over and then put me in the basket and ride away into the night.
The dream doesn’t still scare me (give me some credit…ahem…Rocco) but it caused a severe dislike of E.T., and I felt I saw his true colors.
E.T. definitely wants to kill everyone and take over the planet. He’s creepy, and a bit too friendly for an alien, if you get my drift. Everyone’s always like “OMGwhy?! How could you hate something SO CUTE???” Well. Here’s my top 5 reasons why.
5. His “cute-ness” is too much; so much so that it makes him creepy. The bugged out eyes, the way he waddles? The way that he looks emaciated and his heart beats/sticks out? EW. Ew, ew, ew. That heart does nothing on my emo-soul. And trust me, I’m pretty emo.
4. The noises he makes are insane, and altogether creepy. “Phone Home” doesn’t sound remotely cute. It sounds like alien-speech for “I’m going to kill you.”
3. The way that his neck can extend is DISGUSTING. And definietly phallic (more on that later).
2. He hides around in your stuffed animals, pretending to be a “toy”, and secretly watches you and plots your demise.
1. He just LOOKS disgusting. And, mind my french here, but…he basically looks like a mixture of a turd and a penis. If you took those two and made a baby, it would be E.T. So altogether, gross. You cannot deny the fact that he looks like a little genitalia running around covered in poo.
I was thinking at the end of this post I should post a funny picture of E.T., just so you could have something funny to look at after.
I can’t even bear to google image search him.
But Mom. I’ve already climbed Mount Everest.
So in light of my recent GBOWR post, combined with my insomnia issues, I did some stalking browsing and found some random records that I thought interesting. But my favorite of all is the story of Jordan Romero, a 13 year old boy from California, who is officially the world’s youngest person to have ever climbed Mount Everest.
Why is it my favorite story, you may ask?
Well, to be honest, I got stuck on hilarious made-up scenarios in my mind of this boys life after Mount Everest.
I mean. He’s 13!
Hey. I'm 13.
He’s climed Mount Everest. What the eff did you do when you were thirteen?
Do a crazy dare at a sleepover party?
And the biggest thing is, how he can practically get away with anything now that he wants.
Mom: Jordan, clean up your room! It’s messy.
Jordan: But Mom. I’ve already climbed Mount Everest.
Mom: Touche.
Obscure relative at a family function: Jordan! My you’ve grown. What do you think you’ll major in at college?
Jordan: Oh, I donno. I’ve already climbed Mount Everest.
Teacher at school: Jordan, you didn’t do well on this exam.
Jordan: I know. But I’ve already climbed Mount Everest.
P. Diddy: What the hell are you doing at my party?
Jodan: I’m Jordan Romero. I’m 13. And I’ve climbed Mount Everest.
P. Diddy: Welcome.
Just kidding. Because I mean, his goal is to eventually climb the highest mountains in every continent. So he’s obviously a determined kid. But Jordan…if you read this? Seriously…do it…
I’m in the Guinness Book of World Records. Just Kidding. But Not Really.
And for what may you ask?
Obviously for “The World’s Longest Distance on a Unicycle in 24 hours”.
(Just kiding. But hey, speaking of unicycles did you know Rupert Grint can ride them?)
On December 7th, 2009, my good friend and I attented something so spectacular and spectacularly weird that it could only be – “The World’s Largest Gathering of Santa’s Elves”. ABC Family hosted the event in order to promote their movie, Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe with Jenny McCarthy and Dean McDermott.
It was free here in NYC at Bryant Park – 607 crazies people elves attended in total. They gave us sick nasty costumes, a free packaged lunch (yup), a Christmas song mix-CD, and a free pass to come back to ice-skate (which I didn’t because I usually have bad experiences, like getting fingers almost cut off). They played music, held competitions (which we kept on losing), made us do silly dances, and brought in Santa so we could tell him what we wanted for Christmas!
It was probably one of the most memorable things I’ve ever done – and since it’s been one year, I was thinking about it recently. I decided to stalk some pictures – which I’m shocked I never did before this. Fact: I am a world-class stalker….but another blog on that later.
Still don’t believe me? Well then, you’ll be on Santa’s naughty list this year.
Where's Waldo?
Hangin' with Jenny and Dean, obvi.
My husband.
Just when you thought Snuggies couldn’t get any worse…
…you were wrong.
And yes, this actually exists.
I’m a die-hard Rupert Grint fan, but…
Daniel Radcliffe…you have stolen my heart with this FunnyorDie clip (which I uploaded from YouTube…so sue me. Wait, actually don’t, please).
And the face that he makes at 1:09 in this…well let’s just say I cried laughing, and may or may not have taken a screenshot of it and am debating whether or not to make it my facebook default…
Four Loko Ban is No-Joko
So in case you haven’t heard, the lastest drinking craze that has hit the nation is 4 Loko. It’s an alcoholic/energy drink – inside it has the equivalent to about 5 beers and a helluva strong cup of coffee. Oh yeah, and it sells for about $3-4. AKA a wonderful price for all the broke people of the world who enjoy going out.
Mmm Loko.
The FDA is in the talks from banning the sale on all energy drink/alcohol combination beverages. Senator Chuck Schumer said this is “a giant step forward in keeping our kids safe from these toxic and dangerous brews.” Actually Chuckie m’boy, I couldn’t agree less.
I completely understand that the combination of a depressant and a stimulant is no bueno. However, what I feel really annoyed about is the fact that it’s the drinks themselves that are being attacked; the irresponsible behavior of underage drinking and selling of alcohol, etc. surrounding 4 Loko should be the main issue here instead.
Because let’s face it; irresponsible drinking is irresponsible drinking. You have to know how much you can handle. Whether it’s 4 Loko or a crazy amount of shots, if you throw caution into the wind, either way you may end up sick from alcohol. Underage drinkers will get their alcohol still, mark my words. It just happens that Four Loko was an insanely cheap option for them.
I just don’t get how the banning of sales of 4 Loko (from technically legal adult drinkers…) will stop teenagers from dying over another alcoholic product and or fad. I mean, just a few months back, I heard the stupidest thing in the world: in order to get drunk faster, kids would pour vodka into their EYEBALL. I mean…REALLY? Obviously the problem lies a LOT deeper than Four Loko. (I can’t make this stuff up, for serious…if you are not faint of heart, look up videos of this on youtube!)
Because here’s the thing…crazy youth will always be crazy youth. And if you ban Four Loko, it’ll just be something else in a couple of months. I don’t think a ban is the right step towards improvement. Banning the drink may stop a certain number of people from attaining the drink; however, it does nothing to teach good judgement.
I’m curious to see how this all goes. What will come next? Are they going to prohibit bars and clubs from making the ever so popular alcohol/caffeine combos such as Vodka/Red Bulls? Rum and Cokes? It’s pretty much standard knowledge that caffeine and alcohol have been drank in combination for a long, long time.
They may take their Four Lokos, but they’ll never take their FREEDOM…to continue drinking caffeine/booze cocktails elsewhere.
Losing my mind and socks.
Okay, so ready for the most random blog post ever?
SOCKS.
Why. Do they always end up missing when you do laundry?
I’m dead serious. When I take my clothes out of the washer, I basically all but crawl into it to make sure that there are no socks left behind.
Satisfied that there’s absolutely nothing in the washer, I carefully put everything into the dryer, making sure I don’t drop said socks along the way.
I happily put money into the dryer and go back upstairs to my apartment to wait for it to be done. After the 30 minutes are up, I go back down and scoop up all my clothes in my laundry bag. Again – I all but crawl into the machine to make sure nothing’s left behind.
And there never is. I’m 100% sure of it.
So WHY when I go to fold and put away my clothes (yes, I’m a pretty neat person) do I, without fail, end up missing a sock?
There’s always one lonely sock that no longer has its partner, and it makes me sad that I have no use for it anymore…because it’s still a pretty good sock. But the problem is I have two feet. (That being said, I’m very thankful for said ‘problem’).
I actually don't wear hanes, but you get the picture. Literally.
There’s a few explanations I’ve come up with in my head, and I’d like to explain to you why (I think) this happens.
A) The Borrowers are real. And a mini Tom Felton is running around your laundry machines, snatching up your socks. I’m not 100% against this, because that is a fantastic movie, and I’d be honored if Tom Felton (aka Draco Malfoy) was stealing my socks.
B) There is someone really evil and or creepy, that goes down to the laundry machine, and takes one of my socks (either in the washer or the dryer phase) because they know it royally confuses/angers me and or have a sock fetish.
C) Maybe I sleepwalk and hide my socks on myself.
D) I could have some how missed a sock, even with my extremely thorough care not to.
Clearly, option A stands as the most logical choice.
But still. The world may never know.
